Thinking hard

Posted: November 7, 2010 in self help

Over these last few days I have been think about things quite a lot. From thinking about what I’m gonna do in a couple of days time to what I’m gonna do in years to come all I have really dine is think. When I have been thinking I have asking myself questions. What do I really want to do with my life has been the main one.

What do I actually want to do with my life? I guess if I’m thinking career wise then I have 3 main options but I’m just not sure which one I want to do. Although I’m at college studying photography I’m not really sure this is what I want to do as a job for life. The other 2 options I have been thinking about are engineering and social work. Every one of these are totally different and I really need to get a move on and make up my mind.

One other big thing I have been thinking about is self harm. It used to play a massive part in my life and is what got me through a lot of the tough times. Although I don’t use self harm as a coping mechanism now as much as I used to it still plays a massive part in my life. You may be asking yourself how this works. To be fair I ask myself this on a regular basis but I think I sort of have an answer to it.

Although I don’t harm myself as much I still think about it quite a lot and I still have trouble fighting it sometimes bit this is not my answer. My answer to it is that self harm is something that doesn’t just go away and I think for me I have an urge to help others deal with it in a better way than what I did. I had a hard time and when it first came out about me self harming no one would even say the words. It was something that was never spoken about and that hardly anyone really understood. I feel that due to the fact I used it and Bern through it I have some understanding of it and I want to share this knowledge with others. I want to let people who do self harm know that they are not the only one and that there are so many other people out there that battle the same thing everyday. I also want to educate people that don’t self harm about just what they can do to help and really just about what a person that self harms really feels. It’s not about attention or fitting in, as most people that self harm try their best to cover it up. I managed to cover it for 5 years so it definitely ain’t about attention. It’s about having an outlet. You will probably find that the majority of people who self harm are quite deep and it’s a way for them to express what I’d going on in their heads. I sometimes wonder where I would be if I hadn’t found self harm and to be honest I would probably be dead by now. Although it’s not always been easy I do feel that self harm will probably play a part in my life till the day I die. If it’s the last thing I do I will get the message out there and make people aware.

So yeah that’s what I’ve been thinking about mainly. What do you think about?

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