Growing up

Posted: November 17, 2010 in growing stronger

This week I received information about my officer training
for the girls brigade and it made me think about how much I have
grown up and just about growing up in general. I’ve been thinking a
lot about the fact that your a child for some amount of years yet
it doesn’t take that long to forget about being a child. It’s scary
to think that it’s been over 6 years since I was at primary school.
When thinking back I’m glad that you do grow up and I’m thankful
for the numerous second chances life has given me. When I was at
primary school I grew into someone I didn’t want to become. I
gained a reputation that I am now not proud of at all. I wasn’t a
bully but I may as well of been as if any if my friends were having
trouble with people it was me that would sort it out. It’s
definitely something that I’m glad left me with growing up. I guess
teens spring to mind too. Although you are not looked at as kids
you are still frowned apon for the stupid things you do. Im talking
from experience on this one. Secondary school is meant to be a
fresh start for kids, meant to be the place you can begin to
blossom into the young adult you are soon to become. For me the
beginning of secondary school wasn’t near that it was where the bad
Hayley came out and was as rife as ever. I could of pretty much
been called the class clown. I would do anything that would allow
me to keep my reputation and get a laugh from the class, although
looking back now all this did was tarnish my fresh start. Holding a
record for the most detentions gained in a week, 12, was
something I was proud of at the time, now it’s something I try to
get kids no to do. It wasn’t smart at all. All it did was hold me
back from my true potential and from achieving my dreams. It made
me get a reputation with teachers that I didnt want. My behaviour
only created problems for me and it made school so much harder to
get through. A pupil almost in 4th year should be a model pupil,
someone for all the little kids to look up to. I was the opposite.
I couldn’t care less what others thought and I was digging myself a
bigger hole. School had enough of me and I was excluded for
swearing at a member of staff although I didn’t actually say what
they thought I did. I had it coming really considering I had
already had an exclusion warning due to swearing at a teacher. I
guess for most this would have been enough to make them change. For
me it did nothing, I had a week off and couldn’t of had an easier
week if I tried, no school work, no stress and even better no
teachers moaning at me, all I did was chill. Going back to school I
had to agree to some rules that I would follow, I managed to fool
teachers into believing I would follow them and even signed a
contract saying so. It couldn’t have even been an hour after
starting back when I broke one of the rules. It was time for me to
change, grow up even, but instead I went on a rampage and made
things so much worse for myself. One thing that was holding me back
was the fact that I would never tell anyone how I was feeling. I
held everything in. Until one day when I had been in trouble and my
year head had to get me from a class and I was going to be working
in her room the rest of the day. Walking to her room she told me
she was disappointed with me and that she really thought I could be
an example for everyone to follow. I didn’t care about what she
thought all I wanted was to feel that people cared. Although I was
in trouble she was actually being pretty nice to me she wanted to
know why I had done it and I tried to make up some excuse but she
knew that it wasn’t the truth. She wanted to know the truth and so
I told her. I explained everything including my biggest secret the
self harm i was doing to myself. She was shocked to find out the
truth and her reaction made an impact on me. It played a big part
in my change and my decision that it was time to grow up and leave
behind the old me. I gradually became a better person and I was
showing my true colours. I blossomed into the perfect role model
and everyone couldn’t of been happier although my past still held
me back. People still judged me on the past. Growing up when I did
was probably the best thing that could have happened as really it
shaped my future and allowed me to stay on at school for 5th and
6th year. It also gained me reasonability at school that no other
pupil had the opportunity to do. I was basically given the same
responsibility as a substitute teacher although it was only really
in one subject. I helped out in the computing department when there
was no other teacher there to take the classes and was allowed to
take the time out of my own classes to do so. Things were really
different for me after growing up and the responsibility that came
along with it really made it worth it. I even began to start
helping younger pupils that were in the same place I was when I was
there age. To be really honest I am so grateful for the second
chance and for people allowing me to grow and change and show the
person I really was deep down inside. Going back to what I first
mentioned my officer training. It’s scary to think that I’m in my
12th year of service with the girls brigade and I am now at an age
of where I will be the responsible adult telling them what to do.
The responsibility involved is immense but it will be worth it.
It’s done me good and I hope that throughout my time as an officer
I can help many young girls find the right path for them :). If it
wasn’t for growing up things could have went from bad to worse for
me and I wouldn’t want to see anyone else almost throw away some
major opportunities like I almost did. 😀

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