It’s nice to know you care.

Posted: June 21, 2011 in growing stronger, self help

So today is a big day for me. It marks one year of not self harming. Although I had my slip ups I have managed a whole year and it’s feels so good to be able to share it with everyone. I remember when I used to think managing a day without was an achievement.

I woke up this morning with a smile on my face knowing that I had made it for that whole year. I know that without the support I have had throughout the year I would not of made it to where I am. I am grateful for every person that has been in my life supporting me not only over the last year but through all of my life.

Today I spent time cleaning out some old things I had in my room and I came across a few notes that people had given me when I was going through a tough time. The people that wrote these notes helped me through a lot of the tough times that I faced through my life and were something that i was sad to say goodbye to them when I left school. Although I never said it enough to these people when they were in my life I really do appreciate everything they did for me.

Back to the notes I was talking about I want to share with you what they said. The first said “Hayley if you are struggling with things over the course of the summer holidays think about what opportunities and experiences you are going to have over the course of S6. It is going to be the best school year ever, you are going to work hard and get the grades you want, have fun in the common room with the close nit group of friends you have forged, get awards, be the most senior pupils in school and go to prom as a sixth year pupil. You are a lovely able girl, keep your head up and think of all of the positives in your life. You have grown so much since I’ve known you and it is a pleasure to see you grow into a lovely adult. Have a great summer. Let me know all about it in August.” this may be a basic note but it gave me things to think about and made realise I had a lot to look forward to and that my life wasn’t as bad as it seemed. This note had an additional bit on the back that said “Hayley remember a person cannot directly choose his/her circumstances, but he/she can choose his/her thoughts, and so indirectly yet surely, shape his/her circumstances!!”
This is so true and although at the time I didn’t think so I now know this and it’s what makes my life easier to get on with. If you read into it makes so much sense and at the time really helped me stay focused.

The second note I found said “Hayley, if you start feeling low over the holidays think about how far you’ve come this year. You’ve managed to come back for S6 and pick up physics. You’ve sat all your exams. You’ve got a clear idea of where you want to go in life and may have a fantastic opportunity with the on job training. You’ve loads to look forward to in your life – just enjoy.” again it is a simple note but meant so much to me at the time. It helped me stay focused and was just what I needed as a wee pick up. Also its true what it says just enjoy life. No point on worrying about things it won’t make them change.

I guess to some people this would make no difference but to me it meant everything as I had no self confidence and this was just what I needed to pick me up. It made me realise what was ahead of me and just how far I had come.

I also found a note I wrote to myself when I was in a dark place. I guess it helped me through a lot of stuff and maybe if you are struggling just now it may help you to. It says “dear me, there are many reasons why self-harm is not the best thing to do when you are feeling down. For a start it doesn’t actually help at all in a way it only makes things worse. Also it makes the way people see you very different, for example when you go out people will look at you if you are wearing long sleeves on a hot day or trying to hide where your cuts are by using body parts or an item of clothing. It also affects you when people find out, they will start to treat you differently and may ask you things you would rather not hear. Do you really want this to happen? Remember also when you get into this pattern you start to forget about your friends and spend a lot of time on your own, this is NOT good for you. When things get bad you always seem to get to the point that you don’t care what you do or say and this causes a lot of trouble, well you know that you need to change at the point because things are getting really bad.
When things get tough and you realise you need to change what you are doing there are many ways you can distract yourself. To start with remove yourself from the situation and start thinking about what to do next. If things are really bad then you should probably try and get a hold of someone who is there to help and just talk to them about anything. If you find yourself home alone when these feelings happen try and find someone to go out with or spend some time with. If no one is available to go out then go for a walk or play a sport. If it is a horrible day outside then play one of your instruments and try to forget about everything else.”

I admit I had to get help to write this letter as I was unsure as to how I was gonna advise myself when I was feeling low already. I must say it worked and it’s something I look back at when I’m having a bad day and say look at how far you’ve come Hayley. If you are feeling down I would strongly recommend trying to write something like this as only you truly know what will work for you and maybe a bit of support will be needed but its worth the effort.

Well that’s all I got to say really. I hope by writing this I have put a smile on someone’s face and that they will manage as well as I have been doing. Don’t be afraid to ask for help as there are people out there who care and without them a lot of people would never succeed so just ask. Also it’s nice to know you care.

Bye for now 🙂 xx

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