Some things never leave you…

Posted: September 3, 2013 in growing stronger, self help, tough times

So it’s been a little while since the last time I wrote something, not much new has been happening except for me just working hard and getting Never Never out there a bit more. πŸ™‚

Today is the start of a new year for us at girls brigade and this means that I will returning to my old school once more. Every time I step through the door it feels strange and my head fills with memories, some good and some bad. School played a massive part in my past not only because I went there 5 days a week for so many years but because that’s where I was at some of the hardest points in my life. School was one of my safety nets. I wouldn’t say I loved school but It was something that kept me going and the routine I had during the week helped me get through many stages of my life.

When I was in school I knew that I had people around that I could run to when I needed help, well in the latter years anyway. I knew that no matter what someone would be there to help me through. Whether it be a teacher, the nurse or even the librarian, one of them would be there. I didn’t necessarily tell them how I was feeling or why I was there but just spending time with them and talking about anything, even the weather, helped me feel safe and often stopped me from feeling as bad as I did. I guess in a way they were one of my distraction techniques.

There are also certain parts of the school that hold stronger memories than others. One place in particular was the bathroom up stairs in one part of the school. I used to spend so much of my time up there. It was where I went when I was having a bad day, I knew that it was hardly ever used and that I could just sit there. It was also close to the guidance department which meant that if I needed them I was close, especially when it was my first guidance teacher and things had only just came to light for them.

I spent hours in that bathroom (picture below) and it has so many memories, not many good ones. It was my place where I would harm myself. The lack of people going about made it easy. It was the bathroom I used when I would make myself sick time after time. It was the place where I felt safe. Where I could be ME. I didn’t have to pretend in that room. I now go back there having come through the other side and I see the old me sitting in the corner doing the things I did, but it makes stronger knowing that I no longer need to that. I’m happy! That’s something I never thought I would feel when I was in that room.

It’s scary to think just how much I’ve changed in the last 3 years after leaving school. I wouldn’t go back there but it definitely was a good place for me to be when I was at my worst stage. What would’ve I done if I didn’t school? To be honest I don’t think I could’ve coped. So many people say that school days are the best days of your life but for me the were the hardest days, but school in itself helped me become the person I am today. I am grateful for my time at school and the chance I got to grow.

So the whole point of this blog is that if you have somewhere that makes you feel safe then use that place to help you to recovery. I have other places I would now class as my safe places and I love to spend time there when I’m having a bit of a down day. Use your safe place on your journey and hopefully it will you as much as mine did for me.

Keep strong πŸ™‚

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