Sometimes you have to battle a little harder…

Posted: December 1, 2013 in Uncategorized

So today has been one of my wobbly days. I don’t have the greatest self esteem sometimes (this is something I have to continually work at) and today for some reason this has been at an all time low.

It’s like this one little part of me that I can’t change or that’s how it feels when I’m having a bit of a wobble. I hate the fact I have days where I feel like nothing is right and that all of what I thought was going well was in my head. I know these days will make me stronger but they really aren’t easy to get through when they come around. (thankfully they don’t happen as often as they used to!)

They say that self harm is closely linked to low self esteem and depression, and although I have tackled the depression and no longer suffer from that I do still have the ongoing battle with my self esteem. Most people probably don’t have a clue as I come across as someone who is quite confident and I hold up well in nerve-racking situations, but on the inside I can be falling apart. It’s like a little voice niggling at me telling me I’m no good and that I’m a fool for thinking otherwise. I’ve been trying for years to make this better but it’s something that’s going to take time, it’s one piece of my past that’s going stay with me for a little longer.

For this to get better I need to change more physical things in my life. If I don’t like they way things are then only I have the power to change them. I know I have the strength in me to do so, but finding the motivation is sometimes the hardest thing. That voice takes control and I have no idea how to stop it.

I want this blog to be the start of my changes, this is the first time I have openly told anyone about this problem. This is my first change, it’s not a secret anymore!

The changes need to continue to happen and I will blog about it as they happen. It will take time but this is something I need to do and I need to start it now! Like everything else I have overcome, I will do this too! I know it’s going to be difficult but I will find all the willpower I need and I will complete this.

Today is day 1 of a new battle and I’m going forth with a positive attitude. I’ve taken the first step and I’m ready for the next. It’s time to step up the game and complete my transformation into the person I want to be. My past is not going to hold onto me forever, I am going to overcome this!

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