Living life through my eyes…

Posted: March 29, 2015 in Uncategorized

So my last blog was all about my new challenge and what I hope to get from that.  I have been on my fitness/healthy lifestyle plan now for around a month and I have lost over a stone in weight but to be at the place I want to be I’ve still got a fair way to go. 

In setting myself this challenge I wanted to improve my self esteem and I know that this is something that’s going to take a lot of work. Having bipolar disorder and also BDD (body dysmorphic disorder) which kind of come as a pair, especially during a depressive stage, it’s difficult for me to see any positives changes in my body and when in a depressive stage I have next to no self esteem, this also doesn’t help with me feeling comfortable with my body image. 

My new challenge is a big one for me and although my main goal is my fitness, I would also like to be able to tick off all the other goals at the same time. Since starting I have felt slightly better about myself but when I’m hit with a depressive stage I lose that feeling and go in the complete opposite direction. 

I’ve sort of always had an issue with my body and I find it really hard to see any positives about it but I do now and again see a picture that I like of myself and that helps with the confidence a bit. 

I’ve always seen myself as one of the big girls and to be honest I hate that. Even when I played basketball and trained a lot, I still seen myself as this person who was ugly or overweight. I’m sick of being that girl and this year is going to see a change in that one. I plan to make myself love me and I plan to have the body I want. It’s gonna take a bit of work but I need to stick at it. I’ve been battling with it for too long now, so it’s time to change. I completely cheated from my healthy eating this weekend and that’s really brought me down, so as of tomorrow I’m back on the wagon and I’m not going to fall off again. I will achieve my goals and I will feel better about myself, even if it is only a wee bit. For now the journey continues. I will try keep you all updated on my progress. 

H 🙂 

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