Ignorance is bliss

Posted: May 16, 2015 in Uncategorized

So many people think that they know it all about what depression is. I’m afraid all these people know nothing. Until you have experienced depression hands on you can’t begin to even understand a little about how it feels. It’s the darkest place you will ever visit and it’s almost like it has its hands around your throat and even though you use all your strength it’s sometimes impossible to loosen the grip. Depression comes in many forms and for those suffering its most likely a never ending battle, it’s something that even though you tackle it head on, may come back time and time again. 

My depression took me to the darkest place I’ve ever been. It took me to a place I never want to return to and would never wish upon anyone. At its worst depression took over my life and even to this day it controls me in some way. I am bipolar and I don’t medicate so depression plays a huge part in my life but now I manage it a whole lot better than before. My depression as a teenager shaped me into who I am today and for that I am not ashamed, but it also changed me into something I didn’t want to be at the time. It took away my bubbly personality and I lived in darkness for a number of years. Depression doesn’t just go away it has to be tackled head on and that is no easy task. Sometimes depression is so in control of someone that they feel they have used all their strength and the fight is just not worth it any more. Suicidal thoughts creep in and now you have to fight twice as hard as before and unfortunately not everyone wins the fight. But thankfully the majority of sufferers get a helping hand before the fight is over. 

So why am I telling you this? What’s the whole point in everything I’ve just said? 

Well today I was reading something and came across an image that really made me mad. Mental health issues such as depression have a huge stigma surrounding them and it’s something I’m fighting to end. This image that I found not only stereotypes every single person suffering from depression but almost tries to make it look pretty and fun. I’ve attached the picture below for you all to have a look at. The picture is of the word depressed spelt out using pills. It’s bright and colourful, nothing like depression itself. 

So what is the message the picture is trying to portray? For me what I got from it was that depression is fun. Everyone who suffers from depression is on pills and finally it screamed at me that every person who is depressed used pills to escape from the world, suicide. 

One of the reasons this image made me so mad is probably because I’ve been there, I know what it’s like living with depression. It’s not pretty, it’s not bright and it’s certainly not fun. Another reason is that it stereotypes and I can’t stand that. Yes I have suffered from depression and due to my mental illness I still do, yes I’ve attempted suicide but no I didn’t enjoy it, it wasn’t fun and it wasn’t colourful and it wasn’t a bright part of my life. Just because someone is depressed does not mean they will attempt suicide, it does not mean they are on medication and it most certainly does not mean that they are having fun. I’m tired of people not taking mental illnesses seriously. 

When I was just 14 years old I was overdosing on pills on a daily basis to blank out all the emotions I had locked up in side. I was hiding the pain. I was hiding the guilt and I was hiding what I was doing to myself. I took so much pills that I split the lining of my stomach. Eventually it didn’t block it out enough and I upped the dose, they had no effect, so I overdosed on something stronger. This was my last suicide attempt. It was almost 8 years ago, but I’m reminded of it daily. My depression has controlled me for so long that even though I have been free of all self harm for almost 4 years I only got rid of my stash of pills the other month. Slowly but surely my life is panning out the way I want it, not the way my depression had it going. It’s been tough but it’s been worth every fight. 

I guess for people who know little or nothing about depression it’s easy to think that it’s fun, that pills will be involved and that its all bright and cheery, but I also guess that ignorance is bliss. 

Please don’t stereotype depression because it effects everyone differently. Don’t underestimate it either because it is a serious illness that is tougher than can be imagined to fight. I have attached images of the amount of pills I had stored away. There’s probably enough there to kill an animal never mind a human. The difference with these images is that they aren’t bright, they aren’t colourful and they aren’t fun. They are quite miserable and tell only a part of my story, but I hope that they help others see a little about what depression is like. H 😊




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